Goblin (1993 75 minutes)

Some people can get their friends to do anything. Consider Todd Sheets, director of the Zombie Bloodbath trilogy and this lesser known gem - he can get his friends to endure having pig intestines (or whatever it is) thrown on them for minutes at a time while he films it in an awesome heavy metal nerd attempt at gore. This story concerns a group of post high school teens who have just rented a house. One of them dresses just like my brother did in the 90's with a Dork Knob Ponytail and oversized sherbert colored shirt tucked in way too much. They unknowingly unleash the title monster, who looks more like a fat guy in some rags and a Goofa Man mask than anything, and it starts terrorizing everyone with power tools and saws. At one point, one of the heavy metal girls changes from one pair of acid wash jean shorts into another less gaudy pair only to climb a ladder before getting clobbered by the Goblin. I guess she didn't want pig intestines on her concert-goin' outfit. The teens decide to fight back and the lead guy looks right into the camera and says 'Were gonna fix the Goblin's engine!'. I wanted to punch that guy right through the screen at that point. They get a rototiller and chase the fat Goblin around with it before it turns the tables and chases them around with it  just like a Scooby Doo episode. Then another heavy metal guy in a leather jacket and workout shorts shows up and snoops around. This wouldn't be a big deal but it  goes on for a full 10 MINUTES before he gets goozled by the Goblin with a pair of grass clippers, all while some song goes on and on about evil never sleeping. It's not even to the part where the zombies show up yet. Goblin stinkin' rules.

The Sisterhood (1988 88 minutes)

In the year 2021, after the nuclear holocaust, some women who have strange powers (like being able to shoot laser beams from your eyes and esp with animals) band together to form The Sisterhood. Many of them were captured at the Battle of 12 trees but two still roam the wasteland looking for a way to free the others. Meanwhile, a leader of some raiders gives a heartfelt speech about finding parts for his great War Wagon ( "Kill, pillage, rape...do whatever feels good....but whatever you do, do not come back without those parts I need!") before attacking the small village where the woman who played the blind girl in Ice Castles lives. The raiders  kill her brother which makes her mad so she ends up with The Sisterhood (because she has secret powers too). At one point they get chased by some mutants into the  Forbidden Zone and end up finding a cave with a vault in it just like in the Fallout games. It's all full of weapons and even an armored vehicle with rocket launchers + they even have instructions on how to use them. Say your prayers, stupid  raiders with your beards and your sexist war mongering ways. This plays out like a Society For Creative Anochronisms wet dream future come true -  one where you run around with swords and armor made out of a hubcap and speak in quasi medieval slang but at the same time you are still allowed modern conveniences like bubble baths, jukeboxes, cut off jean shorts and Valley Girl - isms like 'Chow Down!'. Don't forget to meet at Dynamite Willies.

Ghoul School (1990 74 minutes)

At Trenchcoat Mafia High (somewhere in the middle of New Jersey), 2 former students have a plan to rob the janitor's secret stash of something - unfortunately while messing around in the basement they release some kind of toxic chemical that gets into the water that turns the swim team into zombies. Meanwhile, old-timey New York TV personality Joe Franklin has a phone conversation where he acts like the phone is going to give him cooties and then Jackie the Joke Man Martling shows up for rapid fire joke time. Back at the school, 2 nerds watch a bootleg video of Robot Ninja while the struggling rock band Bloodsucking Ghouls practice for their big gig coming up at the school dance. All you need to know is the lead singer's name is Blade and he has a knee length leather jacket with fringes on it. Finally the zombies start attacking and everyone goes bonkers. This is all full of off-kilter elements - the members of Bloodsucking Ghouls have obviously never touched instruments before, the basketball team has only 5 guys and can't even do a lay up drill , the cops that show up have a shotgun that's about a foot too short, and everyone has their shirts way too tucked in. Luckily, you get an axe in the crotch here and a nail in the eye there so its' all good in the end. The origins of Jersey Shore? Right here, brother.